By Erica Lea DuBois
Date's are important to me. They stand out in my memory, marking milestones. Some achievements are joyous. Some are the exact opposite. I try to take the negative & turn it into a positive. Replace a traumatic date or memory with something joyous & beautiful. I think a lot of survivors do that. It is a way to cope, deal, move on, let go. Whatever it is you want to call it, that is what survivors do. It is part of what I like to call the dealing and healing process. You deal then hopefully you heal. So... with that said, I am taking steps to deal & heal today... I am letting go of this day & all the horrendous memories that go with it. I am replacing them with positive joy and new milestones that will bring happiness into my life. To do this I must let go of the bad, analyze it, then shut that pandora's box and give it away to the universe...so here we go
Today marks 13 years since I was life-flighted. I was 8 month's pregnant & pushed from a moving vehicle. My assailant was the father of my child and supposed to be the person who loved and cherished me... not the one to harm me...
However, he was doing harm, on a daily basis. I was fortunate enough to survive but statistics say 87% do not. So what does that make me... lucky? Am I part of the lucky 13%? A lucky 13 on the 13 year anniversary of something horrific? Should I consider myself lucky to be sitting here writing this, still breathing, still surviving, bearing invisible scars from my time spent as an inmate in a prison with no bars? What is luck anyway? Most people equate luck with a gamble. Well, if that is the case I was definitely not the one rolling the dice 13 years ago. One thing I never planned on doing was gambling with my life. Yet, the dealer did just that many times, for several years. So am I lucky? Do I chalk my survival up to luck? Fate? Circumstance?
Or do I take responsibility for it and say "I SURVIVED" I did that... You know, I'm not really sure what I am supposed to do. Yes, I survived, but I could have easily died more times than I count. So maybe it was luck? Maybe it was something divine? Who knows? Heck, 13 years ago today could have been one of those times I didn't make it. But it wasn't, it never was. I came very close many times, but I survived. So what does that mean? Does it mean anything at all? Do I have a greater purpose? A reason? Or am I just lucky?
They say fate is a tricky witch, but I think I have to disagree, because in my book luck is the trickster. Was it chance or luck that I bounced just right on the gravel road 13 years ago? Was it luck or good medical help that my daughter & I survived that act of violence? I will never know, but I will always wonder. Luck of the draw or will to survive? Strength or chance? Purpose or circumstance? Unanswered questions of a survivor.
Maybe I need a t-shirt that says "Lucky me" or do I need one that says "Survivor". This is my moment to choose... LUCK or MYSELF. My time to change my narrative.
My choice! Always was, always will be... so LUCK IT!
I choose survivor... because here I sit. Trying to change the world on the journey of a lifetime screaming literally and metaphorically for the world to hear my story, hear my voice. Let me stand up for those who are unable to do it for themselves? Let me do anything and everything I can so that no one else has to suffer. That's a pretty big ask of the universe, but I'm still asking it all the same. And maybe, just maybe... if I'm "lucky" enough, the universe will answer back with the resounding roars of all those I am fighting for.
Piece by piece, day by day. This 13 is taking back & changing the narrative. It only takes one voice, one decision, one cry to start a revolution. And as luck would have it, I'm pretty damn loud.
~EL DuBois~